Milestones in The Weight Wars

You Know You're Gaining Weight When . . .

You're asked to take off your shoes before walking on a friend's new parquet floor. The waterbed salesman declines your cash offer.
Your pantyhose keep sliding down.
Your seat belt locks when you try to fasten it.
The dry cleaner shrinks your shirt collar.


You Know You're Heavy When . . .

The sightseeing helicopter pilot won't sell you a ticket.
The recliner salesman says his insurance won't let you test out the furniture.
You only shop at a mall that offers valet parking.
The pizza delivery guy calls you by name.
They raise the all-you-can-eat buffet price as you reach the register.


You Know You're Fat When . . .

After you leave, McDonald's changes the "Number Sold" sign.
The cabin attendant asks 10 people to move to the opposite side of the airplane.
The water slide operator makes you sign a liability release.
You insist on pushing the shopping cart because you need the support.
You are banned from your local Smorgasbord.


You Know You're Losing Weight When . . .

You no longer make a beeline for the handicapped stall.
You sit down fearlessly on a schoolyard swing.
You can eat in public without feeling the stares.


You Know You're Thin When . . .

You trade in the family van for a subcompact.
You walk to the hotel pool without a cover up.
Your spouse keeps asking what others are looking at.